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LETTER80
CHARLESLAMBTOTHOMASMANNING
December27th,1800.
AtlengthGeorgeDyersphrenesishasetoacrisis;heisragingandfuriouslymad.Iwaitedupontheheathen,Thursdaywasasennight;thefirstsymptomwhichstruckmyeyeandgavemeincontrovertibleproofofthefataltruthwasapairofnankeenpantaloonsfourtimestoobigforhim,whichthesaidHeathendidpertinaciouslyaffirmtobenew.
Theywereabsolutelyingrainedwiththeaccumulateddirtofages;butheaffirmedthemtobeclean.Hewasgoingtovisitaladythatwasniceaboutthosethings,andthatsthereasonheworenankeenthatday.Andthenhedanced,andcapered,andfidgeted,andpulleduphispantaloons,andhuggedhisintolerableflannelvestmentcloserabouthispoeticloins;anonhegaveitloosetothezephyrswhichplentifullyinsinuatetheirtinybodiesthrougheverycrevice,door,windoworwainscot,expresslyformedfortheexclusionofsuchimpertinents.Thenhecaughtataproofsheet,andcatchedupalaundresssbillinstead—madeadartatBlomfieldsPoems,andthrewtheminagonyaside.Icouldnotbringhimtoonedirectreply;hecouldnotmaintainhisjumpingmindinarightlineforthetitheofamomentbyCliffordsInnclock.Hemustgototheprintersimmediately—themostunluckyaccident—hehadstruckofffivehundredimpressionsofhisPoems,whichwerereadyfordeliverytosubscribers,andthePrefacemustallbeexpunged.TherewereeightypagesofPreface,andnottillthatmorninghadhediscoveredthatintheveryfirstpageofsaidPrefacehehadsetoutwithaprincipleofCriticismfundamentally-wrong,whichvitiatedallhisfollowingreasoning.ThePrefacemustbeexpunged,althoughitcosthim£30—thelowestcalculation,takinginpaperandprinting!InvainhavehisrealfriendsremonstratedagainstthisMidsummermadness.GeorgeisasobstinateasaPrimitiveChristian—andwardsandparriesoffallourthrustswithoneunanswerablefence;—"Sir,itsofgreatconsequencethattheworldisnotmisled!"
AsfortheotherProfessor,hehasactuallybeguntodiveintoTavernierandChardinsPersianTravelsforastory,toformanewdramaforthesweettoothofthisfastidiousage.HathnotBethlehemCollegeafairactionfornon-residenceagainstsuchprofessors?Arepoetssofewinthisage,thathemustwritepoetry?Ismoralsasubjectsoexhausted,thathemustquitthatline?Isthemetaphysicwell(withoutabottom)draineddry?
IfIcanguessatthewickedprideoftheProfessorsheart,IwouldtakeashrewdwagerthathedisdainseveragaintodiphispeninProse.Adieu,yesplendidtheories!Farewell,dreamsofpoliticaljustice!Lawsuits,whereIwascounselforArchbishopFenelonversusmyownmother,inthefamousfirecause!
Vanishfrommymind,professors,oneandall!Ihavemetalmoreattractiveonfoot.
Manofmanysnipes,Iwillsupwiththee,Deovolenteetdiabolonolente,onMondaynightthe5thofJanuary,inthenewyear,andcrushacuptotheinfantcentury.
Awordortwoofmyprogress.Embarkatsixoclockinthemorning,withafreshgale,onaCambridgeone-decker;verycoldtilleightatnight;landatSt.Maryslight-house,muffinsandcoffeeupontable(oranyothercuriousproductionofTurkeyorbothIndies),snipesexactlyatnine,punchtomenceatten,withargument;differenceofopinionisexpectedtotakeplaceabouteleven;perfectunanimity,withsomehazinessanddimness,beforetwelve.—N.B.Mysingleaffectionisnotsosinglyweddedtosnipes;butthecuriousandepicureaneyewouldalsotakeapleasureinbeholdingadelicateandwell-chosenassortmentofteals,ortolans,theunctuousandpalate-soothingfleshofgeesewildandtame,nightingalesbrains,thesensoriumofayoungsucking-pig,oranyotherChristmasdish,whichIleavetothejudgmentofyouandthecookofGonville.C.LAMB.
[LambscopyofGeorgeDyersPoemsisintheBritishMuseuIthastheoriginalwithdrawn1800title-pageandthecancelledprefaceboundupwithit,andLambhaswrittenagainstthereferencetothesacrifice,inthenew1801preface:"Onecopyofthiscancelledpreface,snatchdoutofthefire,isprefacedtothisvolume."SeeLetter93,page234.Itrunstosixty-fivepages,whereasthenewoneisbutafewwords.SoutheytellsGrosvenorBedfordinoneofhislettersthatLambgaveDyerthetitleofCancellariusMagnus.Dyerreprintedinthe1802editionofhisPoemsthegreaterpartofthecancelledprefaceandallofthefirstpage—sothatitisdifficulttosaywhatthefallacywas.TheoriginaleditionofhisPoems,wastobeinthreelargevolumes.In1802ithadedowntotwosmallones.
GodwinsPersiandramawas"Abbas,KingofPersia,"buthecouldnotgetitacted.ThereferencetoFénélonistoGodwinsPoliticalJustice(firstedition,Vol.I.,page84)wherehearguesontheparativeworthofthepersonsofFénélon,achambermaid,andGodwinsmother,supposingthemtohavebeenpresentatthefamousfireatCambraiandonlyoneofthemtobesaved.(AsamatteroffactFénélonwasnotatthefire.)
WemustsupposethatLambcarriedouthisintentionofvisitingManningonJanuary5;butthereisnoconfirmation.]
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